Thursday, February 17, 2011

Letting go...



When things go against us, we are sometimes uprooted and devastated. A lot of our beliefs seem to be fragile and we find ourselves questioning them. At least, that's what happened to me. I simply couldn't find the answers to the numerous "Whys?" that came surging into my mind. It was as if I was pulled into a whirlpool, from which escape seemed to be impossible. I felt as if I was doomed.  And I could do nothing but let go…I let go…

Then a strange sense of peace took over. I realized that there are many things that I could never understand or find the answers to. But, if I let go, it is possible to pick  oneself  up and move ahead. I found that the more I had questioned, the more I was pulled into the depth. The moment I let go of the questions and my fight against the tides, I found I could swim up towards the shore.

I realized that not all answers could be found instantly. Sometimes, it is equally necessary to let go the questions to find the answers. And in that calmness it is possible that the answers will emerge from us. It is not an instantaneous process. Sometimes the answers come later than one would like. Nevertheless, it comes. And with it, the answer brings a better comprehension of things or the ability to withstand.

Of course, there are still unanswered questions. And even now I fall into the depth of darkness. But I remember to let go. I believe that sooner or later I will find the answers. I only need to be open to receive them. And I am able to see things in a new light. That gives me hope!


Friends

I was thinking about my friends. They belong to many categories – close, forgotten, social, casual, networking and what not! Each time think about my friends, I remember one of my childhood friends – Deepa R Nair. I don’t know where she is now. She had to leave our school while we were still in our primary classes as she had tragically lost both her parents and had to go and live with her relations… I still remember her vividly... A bespectacled girl with curly hair! Whenever I think about friends, I always remember her as my first ever friend though I don’t recall why we bonded well... And I still miss her even after almost a life time.
There were many others who made my school life worthwhile by enriching my life in their own special ways. But, most of them drifted away in the race of life. Many, despite the technology and the advent Orkut and Facebook, simply vanished out of sight, but remained in the corner of my heart along with the beautiful student days.
Along came college and a gang of pals. Roommate friends, classmate friends, Christmas friends, senior friends etc etc…It was a different ball game altogether. Some I found easy to be with, some not so easy. Some, I realized only later in life, were gems and I rue the lost opportunity in knowing them better. As naïve as I could be, I repelled some wonderful people with my own shortsightedness.
Then came another college and another set of friends. I recall that they were the essence of my life then. They’ve augmented my life in ways beyond words. A couple of them shall remain best friends for me in spite of everything. They have touched my life in a special way that no one else ever had. Life would have been different and poorer had they not been there.
Friends at workplace proved to be something else. I found out that selfishness and advancement in career were the driving force there. So, in the end there were no real friendships. Only a make believe one!
Right now, I have many friends in the friends list of the social networking sites. But how many of them think about me when they think about their friends? I don’t know… And the other set of people I met recently does not fit into the tag of friends. Like most of the network friends they are mere acquaintances. They are there, drop in a line or two at times and then forget you…
And in spite of all these, the term friend brings with it certain warmth that engulfs me in it and keeps me spirited. Though they might not be aware of it, my friends inspire me and keep me going, as only friends can!!!
PS: I have avoided taking names other than that of Deepa. I have taken her name in the hope that someday she'll come across her name and I can find her...